un/re/mis-branded

Courtesy of Slate comes this piece on Price Floyd, former director of media relations at Foggy Bottom. As Floyd explains, he left his post out of frustration over his superiors' inability to understand that you can only put so much lipstick on a pig:

He explained his reason for quitting in a little-read op-ed piece in the May 25 edition of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram (his former hometown newspaper): Basically, he was tired of trying to convince journalists, here and abroad, "that we should not be judged by our actions, only our words."
...
Rejecting the Kyoto treaty, dissing the International Criminal Court, revoking the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, the scandals at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo—"these actions," Floyd wrote, "have sent an unequivocal message: The U.S. does not want to be a collaborative partner. This is the policy we have been 'selling' through our actions." As a result, our words are ignored or dismissed as "meaningless U.S. propaganda."

Internierungslager

Halliburton's former engineering and construction subsidiary has a contingency contract with the Department of Homeland Security to construct detention facilities in the event of a national emergency, according to WND columnist Jerome Corsi.

As Corsi reported last week, President Bush recently signed a little-reported National Security and Homeland Security Directive granting extraordinary powers to the president in the event of a declared national emergency, apparently without congressional approval or oversight.

Houston-based KBR was awarded an initial $385 million contract in January 2006 for one year, with four one-year options extended into 2007. KBR held a previous emergency detention contract with ICE from 2000 to 2005.

[WND] -- Emergency detention plan

Allison Stokke and the price of pretty

Pictured above is 18 year-old Allison Stokke, champion pole vaulter and soon-to-be University of California student athlete. Yes, she is unjustly attractive and, unlike many hyper-commercialized female athletes, extremely good at what she does (2004 state title, five national records). The former more than the latter has led to an online media frenzy featuring not only mainstays Deadspin and With Leather but also the standard gaggle of horny, overweight perverts otherwise known as ~99% of the internet. My favorite bboard comment thus far has to be Can she clear 9"?

Apparently Stokke has also been hounded by photographers, interview requests, and myspace stalkers since the above photo hit the int4rs a month or so ago. What does one do in this situation? Well, if you're her father, you grant an interview with the Washington-fucking-Post wherein you bitch about the media attention your daughter is receiving.

Two points:
1) Does anyone aside from me recognize the sheer idiocy in countering a media frenzy by granting an interview -- one that features a picture of his fine daughter -- to one of the nation's largest newspapers?
2) Can anyone aside from me wait for the post-Beijing torrent of endorsement deals to wash up on the shores of the Stokke Estate and quell daddy's paranoia?

Honestly, pal, this whole thing caught fire in a medium populated by people whose attention spans can be measured in nanoseconds. All you did was give them a reason to keep talking about her. Your daughter has been and will continue to receive gobs of attention because she is beautiful and athletic in a society that deifies beauty and athleticism, often above all other attributes. Namely reason, which you abandoned the second you sat down with a WaPo staffwriter to gripe about how famous your daughter has become in the eyes of guys with one hand on the mouse and the other down their pants.

Luke Chueh

INHIBITION

JACKED

HARE CUT

For more, head to his site.

caution tape

The Reading, Listening and Watching lists to your right are now all links.

our creaturely insignificance

The point is that most of what we currently hold sacred is not sacred for any reason other than that it was though sacred yesterday. Surely, if we could create the world anew, the practice of organizing our lives around untestable propositions found in ancient literature--to say nothing of killing and dying for them--would be impossible to justify. What stops us from finding it impossible now?
- Sam Harris

New round of pictures up at Hobo John & Friends.

some things you can't unsend

Maybe in light of this new information, Alan Faneca will stop crying like a runner-up for Prom Queen and play some damn ball.

The Steelers confirmed yesterday that one of their employees sent an "inappropriate e-mail" message from the club office to "unintended recipients" last week, violating club and NFL policy.

--Blogger says Steelers' Zierlein inadvertently forwarded porn to NFL officials [PP-G]

frog rain due tuesday

The incomparable Dan Bozek (bassist, sound engineer, lover, fighter, mouseketeer) has finally joined the blogging community. You may find him at Searching with my Good Eye Closed.

Jesus hated everything that wasn't rich, white and arrogant

I don't know why I'm surprised by Ann Coulter. Most reasonable people, including myself, wrote her off years ago and only occasionally stop by her website or one of the four "newspapers" that still carry her column to make sure she's still as ignorant and insane as we last remembered.

But with the publication of this Falwell-knobbing series of lame, recycled potshots, I think it safe to say that the cantankerous bitch has finally gone around the bend.

Falwell was a perfected Christian. He exuded Christian love for all men, hating sin while loving sinners. This is as opposed to liberals, who just love sinners.

First thing second, second thing first. We don't just love sinners, Ann, we love sin, too. Especially the kind deemed unacceptable by that ancient, poorly translated, misogynistic, self-contradictory set of marching orders you call the "word of god."

Moving on, I don't disagree with the premise that Falwell was a perfected Christian. In fact, I believe that on this point, Frau Coulter is absolutely right. As evidence I present the following limited sample of Falwell's greatest hits, courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

"Herpes is the judgment of God upon the nation." WNEW-TV, 11/22/82

"The idea of religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country." 7/4/76, from Jerry Falwell: An Unauthorized Profile

"We need to return to the McCarthy era." At a rally with Anita Bryant. Baltimore Sun, 10/3/80

"In my age, we laughed at queers, fairies, and anyone who was thought to be a homosexual. It was a hideous thing, and no one talked about it, much less ever confessed to being a homosexual... I believe the United States will be destroyed if we permit homosexuality as an alternative lifestyle." from How You Can Help Clean Up America

Ever onward, soldiers...

still no cure for virginity

My alma mater, Carnegie Mellon University, has finally settled on a mascot after several months of careful deliberation amongst students, alumni, and the miserly Republican no-fun-squad that passes for administration.

According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the Scottie Dog won out over all other options by a hefty margin. Additionally, "25 percent of the 400 alumni who responded to a survey believed the Scottish Terrier already was the school's official mascot."

Admittedly, I am among those alumni who believed CMU already had a mascot, although I assumed it was this guy.

ammunition

The New Scientist has posted a helpful guide to the 26 most common myths and misconceptions about climate change. Arm yourselves for the fight against pseudo-science.

listen to The National

Clearly. But especially right now. Boxer, which won't be released until next Tuesday, can be streamed in its entirety from their myspace page. Quickly now...

anyone else having a good day?

How much money do you make peddling superstitious bigotry?

The list of figures whose deaths actually result in a net gain for civilization isn't really all that long when one considers the total number of human beings who have lived: Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, Dick Cheney (we're getting there), Tim McVeigh... Today granted this gang its newest member, the late Jerry Falwell. CBSNews has a brief, oddly respectful list of his greatest hits, including:

"Abortion, family values, the moral underpinnings on which the nation was built we call the Judeo-Christian ethic, is important to us."

I'd always hoped that Falwell would take the time to show us where the word "God" appears in the Constitution. As he was too busy preaching hate, suspicion and bigotry from atop his big pile of money to complete this task, I'll now leave it to his followers.

A toast to the late reverend: May I be caught relieving myself on his grave before the dirt settles.

Chug Bleach is good for you

Meet new WitSL brethren, Chug Bleach.

the profane cunt chef gourmet

WitSL war buddies A Week of Kindness are rapidly ascending the ranks at Will Ferrell's Funny or Die. AWOK's Profane Gourmet, newly repackaged as the Cunt Chef, has seen its ratings steadily climb, but requires more views to be enshrined as "Immortal" on the site.

Go here to watch the video and don't forget to vote it funny. Unless you don't think it's funny, in which case you shame your ancestors.

self-improvement is masturbation

Courtesy of Lifehacker comes the Top 10 Body Hacks.

Enjoy. I'm going to the neighborhood playground to practice my whistling.

boom

[NASA] -- The Brightest Supernova Ever

The brightest stellar explosion ever recorded may be a long-sought new type of supernova, according to observations by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory and ground-based optical telescopes. This discovery indicates that violent explosions of extremely massive stars were relatively common in the early universe, and that a similar explosion may be ready to go off in our own galaxy.
[...]
"Of all exploding stars ever observed, this was the king," said Alex Filippenko, leader of the ground-based observations at the Lick Observatory at Mt. Hamilton, Calif., and the Keck Observatory in Mauna Kea, Hawaii. "We were astonished to see how bright it got, and how long it lasted."

vive la liberté

Turnout amongst registered voters in yesterday's French presidential elections is estimated at around 85%. By comparison, roughly 55% of eligible American voters cast ballots in the "most important election of our lives" in 2004. In fact, America's best turnout in the last 50 years (63%) came in 1960, when JFK edged Nixon.

I suppose I should find it reassuring that only 28% (62,040,610 people) of the voting-age population thought it was a good idea to give Bush Co. another four years. Stands to reason, given his approval ratings these days. But that is neither here nor there. When such a self-absorbed, lackadaisical people best our turnout by 30%, I can't help but be reminded of just how broken our federal election system has become.

Get the money out. Get the people in.

Cinco de Mayo

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More pics, predictably, at Hobo John & Friends.

SoHo: even the traffic signals are skinny

SoHo's pedestrian traffic signals are underfed and I have proof. Look at the first picture, taken at 33rd and Park. You'll see a stout, wide, well-fed hand politely suggesting you'd best wait for the cars to pass:
Now here we are at Spring and Wooster. Notice the spindly fingers, the narrow palm, the thin wrist tapering down into what we can only assume is an emaciated arm:
I am signing SoHo up for the Robert (Smith and Plant) Pie Club. It's the right thing to do.

give them your monies

This weekend, May 5th and 6th, everything at Housing Works is 30% off. New Yorkers, go support one of your independent bookstores and save a little coin in the process.

In further book news, I've learned that The Door of No Return (BlueBridge, 2007) is slated for some ink in the May 20th edition of The New York Times Book Review. As I've previously written, The Door of No Return is a staggeringly precise chronicle of Ghana's Cape Coast Castle, through which hundreds of thousands of West African slaves passed en route to America and the West Indies. Support your independent publishers and buy the book!

a good jewish boy

I had the opportunity to meet Michael Chabon last night, who appeared courtesy of the 92nd St. Y Unterberg Poetry Center to read from his new book, The Yiddish Policemen's Union. Chabon only offered a brief excerpt from the novel, choosing instead to read an essay divulging its origins. He spoke extensively about his lifelong search for identity as an American Jew, the trip to Israel in 1993 that planted this novel's seeds, and about the backlash that occurred after he first published a piece on Yiddish in Civilization Magazine.

He then sat down for a brief interview with Laura Miller of Slate fame, wherein he confessed that the most difficult aspect of creating this book was plot. "I hate plot," he exclaimed before discussing the difficulty of stringing together all of the elements required of a hard-boiled detective story in the tradition of Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett. Chabon then credited his wife, Ayelet Waldman, with pushing him to move the story as it needed to be moved.

I picked up a copy of The Yiddish Policemen's Union but can only vouch for the first five chapters. If those are any indication, this whimsical, hilarious homage to Sam Spade via historical revisionism (a Yiddish state embedded in Alaska as well as a different ending to World War II) and a charming affection for a waning dialect is worth picking up immediately.